So I've been working all night, which usually would mean that I've been eating all night but suprisingly I haven't, maybe its this blog doing wonders for me.
I've been thinking about my holiday, and what it would mean to me to be able to walk around in a bikini or to walk without wobbling. It means a lot.
I wonder what people think of me, I wonder if they look at me (strangers) and think oh shes chubby, or if when people are describing me they say 'the chubby one'. They do, I'm sure they do. And my friends, how does it feel for them when I'm getting changed or going out with them? Do they think, I am so happy that I'm going out with that fatso cause it makes me look thin? It, not she.
And on the flipside, I can look at a celebrity who is probably around 120lbs maybe even less and think 'wow she got a bit chubby' or 'I don't think her arms are thin enough'. How can I judge like that? Who am I to judge?
I purged tonight. Thats just once today. Chilli pasta though... not the nicest thing to be retasting, my eyes were all red and watery for ages.
My plan for this week whats left of it is, today Im going to have cous cous salad, and tonight I have to have salmon and veggies cause I'm going to my families for dinner. Apart from that, diet coke, laxies and cigarettes. Yum yum.
I really want to lose even 3 lbs by next week.
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